I am sick. I have a nice little cold that is slowly building up to a NASTY cold. Thankfully I don't work this week at my other job until Friday so I can get some rest. I wanted to go to the gym tonight and thursday but I don't think that is going to happen. Sorry Dayna (although since you are sick too I'm sure you're fine with it).

I would like to set peoples minds at ease. Seems my weight loss has concerned a few of you. It does concern me a little bit but I truly am eating. I eat whenever I'm hungry. I am totally not out to starve myself or anything. My weight loss is due to being more active. I'm almost always on the go and a lot of evenings I've been going for walks. I'm healthy don't worry.

I am still planning on audio blogging in the near future. I actually did one yesturday but it disappeared. I tried to do it again but just ended up babbling and so stopped. I'll wait a couple days and try my friendship audio blog again.

I'm thinking that things are done with DJman. I am going to wait to see if I talk to him tonight but if things are the way they are going it will be done. Just so you all know he didn't exactly do anything wrong. The problems aren't that he has mistreated me. So none of you have to come out here to hunt him down like I know you'd be willing to do if he DID hurt me. :)

Again I'm not sure what to blog. Not blogging about the guy I'm seeing is very hard. I suppose I probably could blog about him but until I actually talk to him about whats bugging me I think it better I don't. So I'm starting the week off in a not so happy tone... again. Don't worry you guys don't need to send the lynch mob. He didn't DO anything. No attack needed. The problem isn't about him doing something its more about what he doesn't do.

Over all I had a pretty good weekend. Spent Friday night and most of Saturday at my brother and sister in laws cabin. It was very beautiful out and was very nice to visit with them.

Had a good time at Name that Tune. Got all dressed up. Pictures to be loaded on flickr within the next day or so. Edit: Pictures are now loaded.

Worked yesterday and then my Dad took me out for supper. After that I went to a friends to watch some poker and visit with friends. It was a very nice relaxing evening. The only way it would have been better is if I hadn't been so tired and in a not so good mood.

I'm hoping this week to finally do the audio blog that I've been planning. Hope everyones weekend was good.

Stole these from Sars site. The first ones are done using my online name. The second set is done using my real name.

Your Porn Star Name is: Candy Coxx

Get your own Porn Star Name

Your Boobies' Names Are: Thelma and Louise

Get your own Boobie Names

Your 80s Theme Song:

Your 80s Theme Song is Rio by Duran Duran

What's Your 80's Theme Song?

Your Drag Queen Name is: Felicia Fellatio

Get your own Drag Queen Name

Your Porn Star Name is: Spanky Bottoms

Get your own Porn Star Name

Your Boobies' Names Are: Abercrombie & Fitch

Get your own Boobie Names

Your 80s Theme Song:

Your 80s Theme Song is Purple Rain by Prince

What's Your 80's Theme Song?

Your Drag Queen Name is: Sugar Snatch

Get your own Drag Queen Name

Thank you all very much for your well wishes, good vibes, hugs, love and jokes. I am feeling quite a bit better today. Things seem better today. I am not sure I'll blog what was bothering me since it had something to do with the DJman and I'm still unsure what I will or won't blog about him. Things are still weird but I am hoping that this evening will help sort things out a bit.

I've also been busier at work and haven't had nearly as much time to be online or to check blogs. I'm not ignoring anyones blogs and will definitely read them when I get the chance so if there is no comments by me don't worry I still love you. :)

Love and hugs back to you all!

Oh and since I'm feeling better here is something that is bugging me. NONE OF MY PANTS FIT!!!! lol Every single pair of pants I have are so loose they almost fall down. If I lose any more weight they will NOT stay on at all. I would love to go buy new ones but as of right now don't have the funds. So here I sit with pants that would come down easily if someone were to give a small yank on them.

I am not in the best of moods. I am not feeling so good about myself today. I'm sure I'll recover soon. I'll also probably give details another time. I just wanted you all to know I'm still here... just not in a blog mood.

Went camping over the weekend. I had a blast. I've uploaded pictures onto flickr. I am very tired so this is a short post to say Hi and goodnight. :)

It appears that the Audio blog number is still busy so here's my list typed out instead.

1. I've worked at this job for 5 years. The 5 year anniversary was August 15.

2. I've only been unemployed for a few months since I was 15. It was just before starting here.

3. I was Laid off twice and quit once with the same company. They laid off my entire department. I got hired back with a different position but it was 12 hour days. I hated dealing with customers for 12 hours so I quit. I got re-hired in a similar position but with normal hours. After a year I was laid off again.

4. My dream growing up was to be an actress. I don't however have the guts to actually try make it so I dropped that dream.

5. For the last couple years I've been thinking about becoming a radio DJ.... problem is there isn't any money in that.

6. I also wanted/want to be a psychologist. I'm just not really prepared to go to school to become that.

7. I HATE grocery shopping. I'm not someone you want to go grocery shopping with either... I whine... and bitch... I'm always asking aren't we done yet. Can we please leave. The only times I am ok with it are when there to only pick up a few things.

8. I am not really a fan of cats. Never have been. I love dogs though. I miss having a dog.

9. I used to suck my finger. Not my thumb.. my finger. I did that waaay too long. I think I stopped by grade 2... but it could have been during grade 2 that I stopped.

10. I think (at the moment.. it changes often) my dream job (other than acting) would be like a Dear Ann radio DJ.

There you have it. Ten more things about me. Hopefully I didn't repeat any. I'll still try and audio blog a little later. I'm crossing my fingers in hopes that its working by then.

I was planning on audio blogging today but it appears that I won't be able to. The number has been busy all morning. I will probably try it again tomorrow. It was just going to be another list of ten things you may not know about me.

Yesterday I was in a very grouchy mood. I think it was because of the weather since I had no other reason for being grouchy. I worked both of my jobs and then went to see DJman. We rented a couple of movies and headed back to his place.

Again he was a complete gentleman. We have yet to even kiss. I'm really happy with that.... I don't want to rush into anything and I like how things are going. He gave me a great back and shoulder rub and didn't try anything else.

He makes me laugh so much. At one point I was sitting in front of him and he said something unexpected which made me burst out laughing (don't remember what it was). I actually spit my gum out. lol Which I was naturally embarassed about.. he just took it and threw it out. I didn't feel that embarassed after because he didn't even make an issue of it.

I really like this guy.

How to charm me: Call me on the phone and quack at me when I answer (cuz you know.. its wet outside). My Dad is so weird. Of course that's good insight into where I get my weirdness from.

Last night I went out with some friends for supper, a free movie and then drinks after. I had a great time. One of my friends had a couple free passes to Redeye. We got to the theatre and got snacks. When we went into the movie though there was no where to sit. We didn't think ahead enough to realize that instead of us ALL standing there while only a couple of us got snacks we should go save some seats. It was fine though.. we didn't really mind sitting on the floor in the back. Of course the ushers came and told us we'd have to find seats or we'd be kicked out. So we all ended up sitting apart.

The movie was ok. It wasn't what I expected but it wasn't bad.

After the movie we all went out for drinks. The group of people I was with are frickin hilarious. When I say frickin hilarious I mean stomache hurting can't breathe funny. So of course that was a great time.

I talked to my DJman when I got home. He was working. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but he works at a strip club (as well as name that tune). Its not every day that you are having a normal conversation and then suddenly you hear (in announcer voice) 'aaah yeeah look at her straddling that pole...' I was laughing so hard. Of course he was all concerned about it. He asked me if I minded that he works at a strip club. I find that question funny since I'm a girl that has been to every (minus 1) stip club in the city at least once and most of them more than that. I assured him that I had no problems with it.

He told me to feel free to stop by after I'm off work today (the club he works at is close to my work) so I probably will.

I have made up my mind to blog about him. At least until I give him my email address. Once I do that I may go through and edit the posts. So here is a bit about him and how I met him.

He is a DJ for Name that Tune. At first when I saw him I really wasn't that interested. He isn't normally (looks wise) the type I'd go for. Since I've been going there for weeks I've talked to him and I've liked him more and more. He is a really nice guy but also he makes me laugh. A lot.

At first I still wasn't interested because I didn't know if he was flirting in the hopes to get lucky. I'm not interested in just that. The last few weeks though he has made it clear that he wasn't interested in me for just that. So this week I gave him my number and of course we had our date yesterday.

We went and saw Wedding Crashers. It's a very funny movie. Then we went out to eat. I had a great time. It's very easy to talk to him. He is also very much a gentleman and a romantic. I really like that... its been a long time since I've been swept off my feet and he is well on the way to doing that.

On another note. I don't just collect people here on my blog. I collect people in real life. So far I have one man (possibly two but the one doesn't know I consider him MINE) and two women in my collection. On Saturday at Name that Tune a friend of mine tried to tell me our two guy friends are her bitches. However one of them (B) said no way. I am Dani's bitch. I was very happy with him.

I spent a bit of time with two of my very best girlfriends. They both told me that they are my bitches. I am very pleased with that. I told them they are welcome to be my bitches as long as they accept that B is also my bitch.

I told DJ Man that I collect people. I also told him not to worry though. If we do end up having something together he will be my bitch in an entirely different way.

I have a dilemma. I am not sure if I should blog about something/someone. I met a guy that I will be going out on a date with. I would like to blog about him however I am not sure if I should. The reason I'm not sure if I should is that this blog is not very anonymous. The user name I use here is a name that I use for most of my online stuff. Including my email. So if I give him my email and he googles my name it will bring him here. The picture makes it obvious that it is my blog. I'm not sure he'd really want to be blogged about. I'm also not sure I'd want him to read what I'd say about him.

There is a good chance that he wouldn't google my name. However should I just take that chance?

My weekend has been good so far. I had a good time out with a friend on Friday evening after work. Saturday was Name that Tune as usual. We won. Dayna got me a shirt while she was in Salt Lake. It says "Tell your boyfriend I said thanks". I wore it and got many compliments on it. I even had a girl offer to pay $40 for it. I didn't take the money since for one it was a gift and two I didn't have another shirt to wear. lol

After the date edit: We were walking to our cars at the end of the date and he asks me to hand him my keys. I do and then ask him why. He says you'll see. We get to my car and he opens my door for me. Wow. Maybe I have actually found myself a gentleman.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sardi (late by one day) and Dez!!!!

I've known you both for a long time. I miss you both since we really haven't had much time to talk. I hope you both have an awesome year!

I got tagged by Motherdear I am not going to tag anyone else... but feel free to do this anyway. :)

“List ten songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to."

In no particular order...

1. Rain Man by Eminem
2. I Surrender by Celine Dion
3. Hard To Say I'm Sorry by Chicago
4. Black Widow by Motley Crue
5. Victory by Bond
6. Duel by Bond
7. Imagine by A Perfect Circle (of course I also love the original John Lennon version)
8. My Immortal by Evanescence
9. The Hand That Feeds by Nine Inch Nails
10. Lucky by Biff Naked

Update: Sar had the baby she is doing well. It is a boy! His name is Aaron (probably not spelled right) James. I am SO HAPPY!

Still no more news on Sar and the baby. I'm worried now. Hopefully I hear something very soon.

I took up the baby picture challenge and so here are some of my baby pictures.

I still have the bottoms I'm wearing here (along with the dress that goes with it).



This was one of my favorite outfits. I believe I had two sizes of it. It has a little pocket in the front that had a tiny doll that fit inside.





This is one of the cutest pictures I have with my brother.



Update: Still no news on Sar.

In good news though my friend is coming back from Salt Lake City today. I'm picking her up at the airport. The silly girl forgot to call and give me her flight info. I have a vague idea that she will be flying in at around 8:20pm but am not sure if that is accurate or what flight she is on. I plan on getting to the airport at 8pm and just waiting there. The good thing is there is only one door she can come out of. All people flying on International flights exit through that door.

I have a part two to go along with my recent posts. This time about my step-mother. I think I will wait on that one though. It will probably end up being quite a bit longer. I also don't feel like revisiting my childhood with her quite yet.

I appreciate ALL of the comments I got and I thank you for taking the time to read what I wrote. *hugs* to everyone. :)

Right now I am worried. I am worried because I got some text messages from my pregnant friend Sar. She was at the hospital getting tests done. She isn't due for a little longer (before the end of the month though) however they lost the babies heartbeat. Either it stopped or they just couldn't find it again. She was induced around 6:45pm. I am waiting to hear how she and the baby are. I wanted nothing more than to hop into my car and drive the three hours to see her. If I knew which hospital she was in I probably would have done just that. Screw work. Screw money. Being with my friend is more important. I know that she is aware of my being with her in my heart. I know there isn't anything I could do being there but I also know it would have made her feel a little better. Especially just showing up with no warning.

So I'm not sure how much sleep I am going to get tonight... and I don't know how soon she will be able to let me know what is happening or when the baby is born but I hope they let me know as soon as they possibly can.

Again thank you everyone. My blogland family. :D

Update: She is still at the hospital. Baby has not been born yet.

Continuation.

As I said she left my Step-dad and moved in with a guy. He was not a very nice guy. I talked to her fairly often on the phone. Most of the time though she was drunk when she'd call. My brothers told her not to call them if she was drunk. I would talk for a bit and then find an excuse to let her go. After about a year (or so) they split up. She moved out on her own.

She came to visit a couple more times. Those visits were fine. A couple years ago I went to Ontario for my little brothers wedding. I stayed with her. The first night there was the night of the big blackout. Where in the east all power was down. I was tired from the flight. She wanted me to go to her friends house for 'jam' night. A bunch of people would get together smoke dope and play around with a guitar. This is NOT my scene. I was polite to her friends. Despite disliking them. I'm a pretty shy person and didn't really have much in common so I was very quiet. We left early.

When we got to her place we stayed up talking. I opened up to her and told her things that I wouldn't tell just anyone. The next day she wanted me to meet her ex boyfriend. I really didn't want to meet him. He is scum. Not someone I'd ever want to talk to. She pleaded for me to go with her. I finally caved but only after she promised it wouldn't be a long visit. He was rude to her. Very very rude. I despised instantly. After only a little while there I wanted to leave and shower. I felt dirty just meeting him.

Thankfully we really didn't stay long. Later that night I went out with my brother and his friends. I had a great time. He has a wonderful set of friends. My mother called wondering when we'd be home. She was upset that we had gone and left her for a few hours. My brother told her we'd be home eventually. After getting back I could tell she was upset. I asked her what was wrong and she complained about us leaving her at home for so long. That I was only there for a short time and she was upset I'd spend so much time away.

Another morning she woke me up early because some friends were visiting that she wanted me to see. Now I'm not a morning person and as I said before I'm pretty shy. I didn't say much while they were there. I talked a little bit and was polite.

At the wedding I had a lot of fun. Talking to my brothers friends and getting to know people. It was a very small (but very nice) wedding. My mother wanted to leave early though. She wanted me to go to a party her friend was having. I didn't want to. I was having fun and the people at my brothers wedding were much more my type of people. The ones at her friends are the druggies.. not to mention older crowd.

She was upset. My ex step-dad said he would drive me home so that my mother could leave. She left in a huff. A couple hours later he drove me home. When I got there she was still up and we talked some more. Then since I was hungry and she needed cigarettes we went to town. I bought her gas and McDonalds. When we were headed home we drove by the hall where the wedding was. People were still there so she was like you can go out and visit more. (She stayed in the car because she was in her pajamas) I had a good time talking to everyone some more. I kept going over to her to make sure she didn't mind staying longer. She told me she was fine. After a while we all left.

The day after the wedding I woke up not feeling very well. I hadn't drank very much so it wasn't a hangover but I just felt sick. My mother had things she wanted to do. I told her to go ahead but that I'd stay there. She tried to convince me to come and I just kept saying no but that she shouldn't feel like she couldn't go.

Then she said something along the lines of. Same old Dani.. selfish as usual. I just got up went to the room and read. I wasn't taking the bait. Hours later she came in and asked me if I was ever going to talk to her again. I told her that I was waiting until she calmed down and talked to me since I didn't deserve what was said. She flipped. Told me I was a bitch. That I had issues. That I had serious lack of communication. Tried to tell me how to communicate properly. I told her that I did nothing wrong. I did not want to go and why should I go because she wanted to. I was not stopping her from going and that I did not deserve to be spoken to the way I had been.

She told me I was nothing but selfish the entire visit. I was shocked. I asked her to explain. She told me that I was rude to her friends. That I didn't do anything she wanted to do. That I was bitchy the whole time. I couldn't believe she was saying that stuff. How twisted her view of my visit was. I argued with her. She then threw back all of the things I had told her in my face. I had told her I was a little sad because I didn't have many friends. That I never had anything to do. She told me that she now knew why I didn't have friends. That no one could stand me because I was a selfish, spoiled bitch. It was unreal.

My brother called during it and I asked him if I could stay at his house that night. He said sure and he'd come pick me up. So I started repacking my things. She continued to yell at me. I stopped and told her that she could yell and say what she wants of me but that I hoped she took a step back later and realized what kind of person she is. That no matter how much she thinks I did wrong throwing stuff I told her in my face was a horrible thing to do. I told her that I doubted I'd ever speak to her again. Much less ever come visit.

My brother came and she suddenly became the wounded person. Upset about our fight. When I left without saying goodbye she told me that no matter how I felt about her she still loved me and I was still her daughter. I ignored it.

They talked for a while and then we left. I didn't tell my brother what happened. We watched a movie and then my brother from here called. He asked me what was going on. I told him that she had upset me but that I was fine and didn't want to talk about it. He said no please tell me what is going on. She had called him all upset saying that I flipped and told her I hated her.

So I told him thats not the case. I gave him a quick summary and told him that I didn't want to talk to her again.

A few months later she phoned me. I answered (mainly because I didn't check the call display first) and asked if I still had a problem with her. I said that I wasn't the one with the problem and that she was. I also told her that I deserved an apology since I did nothing wrong. She started going on about what I did and me being selfish again. I told her that she was free to think of me however she wanted to but that I am none of those things and if she was waiting for me to apologize it was never going to happen. She started to go off again and I said look. I refuse to allow you to treat me this way. That I was hanging up and not to call me again unless she was done accusing me of shit that I never did. And then I hung up.

She phoned me again and aplogized. Well not exactly but it was good enough that I just let it go. I've talked to her a few times since then but I only talk to her because she IS my mother and mostly I feel sorry for her.

I'm just going to mention that I'm not telling this because I regret my life. I don't. I truly think that I've had a good life and that the things I've gone through have made me who I am. I'm really just writing it to get it out.

I've been mulling over something that I'd really like to post. I'm not sure where to start or where to go with it though. I am also not sure this story is all mine to tell.

I guess I should start at the beginning. When I was born I was born by c-section. My mother decided she had enough and faked an appendix attack to get me out. She left us when I was somewhere between 6 months and a year old.

After she left my Aunt took care of my brother and I since my Dad was sort of a wreck and completely lost as to what to do. I will always be grateful to my Aunt for that. As well as for telling me how willing she was to keep us. 3 months later she told my Dad that either he had to take us back or we would be hers for good. His choice. He chose to take us back.

My mother was entirely too unstable to take care of us. The one thing I will always be thankful to her for is that she let us go. She never tried to keep us or at any later time get us back.

This is where I'm unsure as to how to continue. Should I speak more about my mother or should I talk about the step-bitch? I don't want this to end up being very long and really they are sort of two seperate stories to tell. I suppose since it starts with her I will continue with her.

My mother remarried and ended up moving to Ontario. I don't remember a lot about her from my childhood other than a caring sort of fuzzy picture of her in my head. When we went to Ontario to visit though the things I remember aren't so fuzzy and some not so caring.

One of my first real memories of visiting is of us fighting and her calling me a little bitch. See we went to a store and I didn't want to go in. Here if we didn't want to go in we could wait in the vehicle. She didn't want me to wait outside. She didn't tell me why at first. She just said no. I argued. She finally said that it was because I might get kidnapped. I didn't understand what was so different there that I could do it at home (and not get kidnapped) but couldn't do it there.

She finally caved and let me stay in the car but scared me so bad about it that when they were out of sight I cowered on the floor. I was afraid to run in after them and I was afraid to sit on the seat where I would be seen. My step dad came back before everyone and sat with me.

When we got back to their house my mother was still mad about it. She ended up yelling at me. I yelled back. I was never one to just take shit from anyone so if I thought it unfair I'd tell you it was unfair. She finally flipped and told me that I was a little bitch and then slammed her bedroom door. I was very very upset. Thankfully my step dad came in and talked to me and made me feel better.

The next memory is of another visit. This memory is of a great visit. Of wanting to live with her. Of feeling like she was my best friend.

She visited here a couple times. We went to Calgary and met my oldest brother. We all had so much fun. She was more like us. Then she went back home. She cheated on my step father. Became an alcoholic. I always felt partially to blame for the drinking. See when she visited we encouraged it. I know I'm not to blame. I just can't help but sometimes feel like if we hadn't encouraged it she wouldn't have changed the way she did....

To be continued.....

I got this over at Larrys and he got it at Pennys blog.

1- Who are you?
2- How long have you known me?
3- Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
4- Describe me in one word.
5- What reminds you of me?
6- If you could give me anything what would it be?
7- Ever wanted to tell me something you couldn’t?
8- Are you going to put this on your blog and see what i can say about you?
9- What do you love like a kid loves cake?
10- What makes you come back here?

And another one of those which character are you thingy's taken from Penny who took it from Shanshu.

Edit: Taken from Mossy

You are Marcie!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fresh out of things to post. I was thinking about doing another audio blog but can't think of anything to say. I've been very tired this week.. too many late nights I think. I just can't seem to get myself to bed early. Looks like I'll be going boating today. (yay finally can go again) That means it will be a late night again.

Sorry for the less than entertaining post.

I can't believe I've been blogging for 5 months. Totally doesn't feel that long ago that I was writing my first entry!