Friday, January 27, 2006

I would have babbled more in my audio post but the shop foreman walked into my office. I was too lazy to re-do it so for today that's all you get.
this is an audio post - click to play

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Sticky figured the dress wouldn't fit him. I kept telling him that it would. I wore the dress when I weighed quite a bit more. Last night I brought the dress over for him to try on. It definitely fits. I could not stop laughing. D came out and saw him and couldn't stop laughing either. I'm not sure how long I'm going make Sticky wear the dress for if I can't stop laughing everytime I look at him wearing it. In order to breath I may have to tell him he's allowed to change.

I've also decided to change his name for the weekend. I haven't settled on what to call him but I figure it should be a butler type name. Also since he may have a family thing to go to which will cut into my weekend he has offered to extend it to include Friday.

I still need more ideas on what to make him do. I don't want it to be anything mean and most of the suggestions I've been getting are kind of mean. I think making him wear a dress is mean enough and don't want to make the rest of the time too unpleasant for him.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Edit to add: How to charm me
Tell me you are going to draw a picture of me. When drawing the eyes you say you have to use purple because I have purple eyes just like Barbie. Then draw my legs as long as the page with little dots for feet. Then as an after-thought throw in some arms. Repeat the purple eyes just like Barbie and because I look like Barbie comment.

I've been thinking it over.... and over... and over. I've decided I have to get over Dillon. As much as I like him even if he were to want to try again I don't think I should. He drinks too much and is down too much. It's not so hard for me to say that once I haven't seen him for a couple days though. I know that when I see him again I'll probably want him but I will just try keep in mind that being with him would be more like being a babysitter (taking care of him when he drinks) than a girlfriend. It's probably a good thing the relationship ended. That it ended without too much hurt on either side. That we can still be in the same place and socialize with eachothers friends.

I think I deserve better than him. Not that he is a bad person... just that I don't think he'd ever treat me right. He would treat me great for a while but then something would happen in his life and he'd get depressed and lash out. Maybe if/when he grows up a little it would be different.

I am trying (and having a little success) to be happy with being single again. I've never really hated being single. Most of the time I like it. I just have to remind myself why it isn't so bad.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Thanks for all the encouraging comments everyone! I appreciate it.

I had a pretty good weekend. I saw a Lacrosse game on Saturday. I really enjoyed it. Lacrosse will never replace hockey but it's pretty darn fun to watch.

After the game I headed off to Name that Tune. I had thought about doing something else this Saturday but wasn't really sure what I was in the mood for so I just ended up going there again. I had a great time though. Didn't drink this weekend but still danced on the bar.

On the bar
That was taken by Sticky from my camera phone that's why the quality is so poor.

Next weekend is the weekend I cash in on the bet Sticky and I made. It's also a pajama party for Name that Tune. Sticky will be wearing a dress for some of it and (possibly) a nightgown for the rest. I'm still looking for ideas on what to get him to do the rest of the time he's mine.

I spent the day Sunday relaxing. In the evening I went to the usual place to watch Eurotrip. I've seen the movie before but it was even funnier the second time.

Friday, January 20, 2006

There are so many thoughts bumping around in my head. So many things I want to get out. Things I want to write out to work through. Something is stopping me though. I think a part of it is that I have readers. I don't want to disappoint. I guess maybe there is an image I'm trying to have. Like I don't feel I should blog about the depressed thoughts I'm having because I don't want to whine. I don't want people to feel bad for me. I love having people read my blog. I love all the comments I get. I think it's giving me writers block though.

Not that anyone should go away. Just that I need to work on not worrying so much about how I'm percieved. Also it seems to always be the same old crap. I'm sick of thinking about it..

I'm having a problem letting go of Dillon. I still want him. I'm pretty sure he still likes me (based on things said by others as well as by him). I don't know what to do about it. I promised a friend I wouldn't talk to Dillon about getting back together until the end of January. Give myself some time to get over him. Don't rush into getting back with him until I know if that is what I really want. I don't think I realized how much I like him until now that I am not with him.

I just don't know what to do. It's very frustrating. I'm trying to get back to being the happy person I was a few months ago. I'm just not sure how to do that. I go out and have fun. I'm happy when I'm out. It's when I'm on my way home or at home when I get down again.

I need to stop filtering what I write. I'm sorry if I lose readers and I will be sad to see commenters go but I have to stop being so concerned with it.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

What a boring day. This week has gone by pretty fast. I spent it pretty much constantly on the go. Seeing various friends. Nothing much happened though so I don't have anything to blog about.

I've been in a better mood this week. I am still a little sad that things didn't work with Dillon but at least we are friendly to eachother now. After talking to him on Saturday things are a lot less awkward.

Boring day... boring post. Sorry I have nothing more interesting to post.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

On Saturday I went out to Stickys staff appreciation/christmas party. I had a blast. Supper was great. The center piece on the buffet table looked very phallic.

What does this look like?


They had a mock casino. Our dealer would get us to yell 'I own this table' and to cheer. One of the big wigs of his company came over and said to me 'you are the reason I'm going deaf tonight'. What can I say... when encouraged to be loud and cheer I really follow through. Sticky kept encouraging me. He wanted me getting attention and then he would be able to say 'she's with me'.

We headed to Name that Tune afterwards. Again I had a great time there. Cheering more... dancing on the bar.... just being very hyper.

I saw King Kong on Sunday. It didn't feel like a 3 hour movie. I really enjoyed it. Some of the creatures in it creeped the shit out of me. I was covering my eyes for a few parts. The ending of course made me cry.

All in all... it was a good weekend.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Last night I went out with Sticky and C for a bit. I drove Sticky home and we were having a smoke in my car before he went in. This kitten started meowing at us. It sat staring at the car and meowing. Then it wandered underneath the parked car in front of us. It crouched there staring at us and meowing. We both were like omg awww that poor kitten. Then we saw it lift one of its paws and meow. Put that paw down and lift the other one. It was obviously very cold. We couldn't just leave it there so Sticky went out and brought it into my car.

It was so playfull! So cute too. It's paws were so freakin cold. It was over 15 minutes before they actually felt warm. Poor baby. We had a dilemna though. I couldn't bring it home since my Dad hates cats. Sticky couldn't bring it inside unless he got permission from D. Since D is allergic to cats. We tried getting ahold of him but no luck.

We drove to the humane society and of course it was closed. We were hoping there was a number we could call to find out where to drop it off. No luck. Then we got a phonebook to try find a number. No luck. I called my friend S (he has a cat and would be up at that time of night) he wasn't home though and didn't know when he would be.

We just didn't know what to do. Sticky was trying to think of anyone he knows who would be up at that time of night. He thought about the people we know at the bar and maybe one of them would be there. Then went wait a minute. Why don't we go to the bar and see if any of the girls can keep it.

Off we went. He went in to talk to them and then came out and got me to bring the kitty inside. Sure enough one of the waitresses had a home for it at least overnight and possibly for good. We hung out there playing with the kitty for a bit when one of the regulars there heard about it. She said she'd take it for her grandbaby.

YAY the kitty has a permanent home! On the way back to Stickys though we were both missing the kitty. We only had it for a couple hours but we totally got attached. Thankfully because she is a regular we'll get updates on how it's doing.


Demon kitty

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Last nigtht was another sort of hard night. I had a great time but since Dillon was there it was hard again. I discovered the anger is easy to have when he isn't around but soon as he is the anger is gone and the sadness replaces it. It was still easier than Saturday and Monday though. I also brought back one of the books he lent me so I had to talk to him. It went better than I expected. Was a friendly return of the book. I stopped by his table when he wasn't there to talk to his buddy. He got back while I was still talking and just sat saying nothing. Before leaving I stopped by to say goodnight to his buddy and talked for a bit. This time he joined in. It was all good. I think we'll manage to at least be friendly to eachother when we are interacting with eachothers friends.

Now onto why I had a great night:

When I posted about the fun I had on Monday I didn't mention a bet that was made. C and B (who from now on will be called Sticky) told us a story. There was four of them at a restaurant. Sticky had tomatos on his sandwich and when he picked one off he was holding it and thinking about tossing it at someone. C leans over and says I dare you to throw it at D. Sticky, never one to pass up a dare immediately tossed it. The tomato hit D on the cheek and stayed there for a second. Then slowly slid down.

This story had me in stitches since I could picture the look on Ds face as the tomato hit him. Sticky then says that is why if he sees anyone picking a tomato off he says something. I was like hmm bet he wouldn't suspect me. I bet I could pick a tomato off my sandwich and he wouldn't say a word. Sticky was like no way he would say something if I was there. We argued back and forth about it for a bit when we decide that we should make an actual bet on it.

Sticky immediately says if he loses he'll wear a dress one Saturday night. I had trouble coming up with something as good. So then he changes his mind and says he'll be mine for a weekend. As in he'll do anything I tell him to. D (female D not the one hit with tomato... I'll call her FD from now on) says no no you have to do the dress one. I was like FD don't you get it.. if he is mine for the weekend I can tell him to wear a dress.

Since he put himself on the bet I put myself there as well. I agreed to be his for a weekend if he won. I of course had a few more stipulations/restrictions than him. Like no nudity and I can not be told to do anything sexual. We agreed that we wouldn't make the person do something they are against doing but pretty much anything else goes.

We had to figure the bet completely out so that we would have a clear winner and no arguments. We agreed that I would have to pick the tomato off, hold it for 5 seconds and if in those 5 seconds D doesn't say anything it means I win. If he said anything about me holding the tomato Sticky would win. I didn't have to actually throw it at him if I didn't want to. We decided Wed would be the day we do the bet since he always joins us for wings.

We also agreed that whatever the other person made us do we couldn't go around saying it was a bet. He was like but if someone asks us if it's because of a bet we can tell them yes. I was like no way. That ruins the whole effect. Once one person knows it's because of a bet then everyone would know and then it wouldn't be as funny. So he agreed that we can't tell anyone until after it was over that whatever done is because of a bet.

Sticky was talkin smack about it before the bet. He was very confident he'd win. I was pretty sure I was going to win but wasn't absolutely certain. Sticky and I arrived at around 8:15 and D was supposed to show up around 8:30/9. I was a little nervous since by 9 it was still only Sticky and I there. I figured if it was just the three of us he was going to notice and clue in on it more. If others were around he'd probably not think of it.

Just after 9 a couple other friends showed up. D got there about 9:30. It was on. We ordered our food. I ordered a club sandwich. When it arrived I picked off the lettuce (I usually pick the lettuce and tomatos off anyway; which is another reason I didn't think he'd suspect) and nervously went for the tomato. D was putting ketchup on his plate. I picked up the tomato slowly. Held it. 1 second. D was still pouring ketchup. 2 seconds. I started swinging the tomato back and forth. D looked up at the guy next to me. 3 seconds. I thought oh crap he's gonna see it now. 4 seconds. I'm swinging the tomato even more dramatically. 5 seconds. I rejoice in my head to know that I won but keep swinging the tomato to see if he'd look over. A couple more seconds lapse and I couldn't hold it in. I shout 'I win'! Sticky goes 'oh I'm fucked now'. D looks at me (still holding the tomato) then looks at Sticky and whap tomato hits his cheek. D starts laughing.

Then we tell everyone else at the table about the bet. I get up and do a little 'I win' dance. Then point at sticky and say 'you are gonna wear a dress!'.

Whew. I wasn't positive I'd win but am I ever glad I did. I actually wouldn't have been too upset to lose since I'm very curious what Sticky would have made me do (and I know it wouldn't have been anything that I didn't just end up laughing about). Still though. I'm going to have a blast with this. I just have to come up with other things to make him do.

As I was mentioning the dress Sticky said fine I'll wear a dress but I better have a sandwich board sized sign that says this dress is due to losing a bet. I was like um not a chance we agreed that we weren't allowed to tell anyone it was a bet. Too bad for you. He tried to argue but at this point C was with us and said dude you agreed to that too. He also gave me a hard time for gloating. I was like wait do you remember how you were talking before the bet. So sure you'd win. Kept mentioning that you had to come up with things to make me do. Well the gloating is revenge for that.

I know just the dress to get him to wear too.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Taken from Penny

You are the color pink. As a beautiful and sweet
human, you are everybody's favorite person.
Healthy and energetic, you're often seen
spreading the happines. As an unusually
charming and sweet person, you're always ready
to comfort people who are down. You sympathize
with everyone, but not always yourself. Aside
from that, you are light-hearted and cheery.
And you make it your duty to make every cloud

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla


?? Which Creature Of The Sea Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance.
On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others.
You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative.
Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you.

Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter.
You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything.
You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships.
Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

Your Hat Personality Is A

Cloche Hat

You are Maryiln Monroe

A classic tortured beauty
You're the dream girl of many men
Yet they never seem to treat you right
I got tagged by Mystic to list five weird habits. I'm not sure I have 5 weird ones (at least that I can think of right now...) so I'll list the ones I think of plus a couple other habits I have.

~ I play with my hair all the time. The longer it is the more I play with it.

~ I chew on my nails. I don't bite them off. I just chew on them.

~ If I'm in a restaurant I have to sit so I can see the door. Either that or so I can see the majority of the other tables. I think I have a slight phobia of crowds or maybe it's a combination of crowds and fear of enclosed spaces.

~ I fidget all the time. Even when I'm not nervous or bored. If I have a beer bottle in front of me the labels all get taken off. If I don't have anything in front of me I'll take out my cell and play with it. (like spin it around on the table)

~ Not getting enough sleep. I like spending time at home but I prefer to be out with friends. If I'm having a good time (which I usually am) I tend to decide to stick around later than I should. Even if I'm home though I will usually get to doing something and end up staying up later than I should. I'm definitely a night owl.

Tonight I'll be going out for wing night. I'm sure Dillon will be there. I think I'll be fine. I'm bringing him one of the books he lent me (I'm not finished the other one).

I think I'm at the anger phase of getting over it. I went through denial (when I took him back after the first time he was a jerk). Then I went through sadness (crying on Saturday when he showed up). Now I'm onto the anger phase. The only thing that happens when I'm in the anger phase is whenever I think of him I say something like 'mother fucker' or 'fucking jackass'. So for a little while it seems like I've developed tourette's. I'm not really sure what the phase after that is but I'm thinking if this phase lasts only as long as the others did I'll be finding out tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Had an absolute blast last night. I went out to the usual place. At first it was just D and I. Dillon was of course there which was kind of painful. Since we will both still be going there I have to get used to seeing him. I was a little sad but it wasn't as bad as I expected.

B and C came around 9:30 and we spent the rest of the evening in laughter. We started telling funny stories from our past. The guys had some really good ones. We were laughing so hard I had tears. It was exactly the kind of night I needed. My laughter has been missing and I'm glad to see that it's back.

Monday, January 09, 2006

I had a pretty good weekend. On Friday everyone from work went out for drinks for one of the guys 50th birthday. After that I went and traded my cell phone with B. The one I bought in Sept kept crashing when I'd go to text. I already took it back and they replaced it once but the new one kept doing it as well. So since B bought a new phone in Oct and then decided to get another new one in Dec he had an extra that he was willing to trade. I'm so excited to have a phone that doesn't crash on me. Plus it's a camera phone.

I hung out with various friends throughout the evening and ended up getting home pretty late. I set my alarm for 11am on Saturday. I wanted to sleep in but not the entire day. I forgot to turn my alarm on though. My Dad came in to wake me up at 4pm. I had to be at my nephews baptism by 4:30pm. Luckily I managed to get there on time. Afterwards I headed over to my brother and sister in laws.

Headed straight to Name that Tune from there. I had a pretty good time. Got drunk (lots of people were buying me shooters). Some of the usual crowd wasn't there but there were still plenty of people. I was happy that Dillon was one of the usuals that was not there. He did however show up there by the end of the night.

Sunday was spent relaxing and watching movies. Then home to do laundry. I am not looking forward to having to work next Sunday. I've very much been enjoying the last couple of weekends off and the lazy Sundays.

Friday, January 06, 2006

So today I'm wearing black pants a white tank top and a black sweater. I walked through the back and one of the guys stopped me.

Jerk: Looks at me and points to me. 'You might as well be naked'
Me: Extremely puzzled look on my face. 'huh'
Jerk: Waves around finger that is pointing at me. 'You might as well be naked'
Me: Giving a dirty (yet still confused) look 'uh...' I then walk away.

This is the same guy who in the summer told me while pointing in the direction of my cleavage 'too small'. I'm not entirely sure what he was refering to as being too small.
I can't believe it's Friday already. This has been a pretty crazy week. I have to say though that only working the second job one night this week has been so nice. I was actually home for supper one night this week. My Dad was shocked. I was also able to catch up on some of the shows I watch and relax before heading out.

So it's over with Dillon. It probably should have been over before this but I know the reasons behind how he was treating me so I kept giving it a chance. Christmas is a bad time for him and for me so I was more forgiving than I maybe should have been. I think he is a great guy. I still really like him. He is going through some tough times right now and I totally feel for him. That being said.. I will not let him treat me badly. I know he likes me. I know he didn't mean to treat me badly. I still won't stick around for it. I need to be/feel respected in a relationship and last night I definitely didn't feel that way.

His buddy talked to me last night after Dillon left and heard my side of things. Tried to put Dillons side into a different perspective but no matter how you look at it he was disrespectful. His buddy said he'd talk to him. I told him that if Dillon calls I'm willing to talk to him but I will not be treated the way I was and if he doesn't see that he did anything wrong then there is no use in talking. I also said that I'm done going to him. I'm here and won't turn him away but I'm not going to approach him.

I'm very sad about it but I'll be ok. I know the decision is the best one for me. I know I am worth more. I know I don't deserve the way he was treating me. I'm proud of myself for knowing that and for being able to walk away. A couple years ago I probably would have stayed around. I think the thing that makes this so hard is that I know he isn't a jerk. He isn't that type of guy. It's just the things going on right now for him are overwhelming him. So I feel terrible for him. Still. I need to look after my happiness.

Monday, January 02, 2006

What a busy weekend. I went shopping both Friday and Saturday. I attempted to find an outfit to wear on Saturday evening. I couldn't find anything along the lines of what I wanted. I did find a nice pair of black pants which I wore. I also wore my backless shirt. The shirt I bought over a year ago but hadn't yet gotten the courage to wear. I had my hair in pigtails to imply nice and the shirt to imply naughty. Not exactly the look I was going for but it worked fine.

I also discovered that although I haven't actually lost any more weight I do wear another size smaller. No idea how that happened but I'm not complaining.

Right after shopping on Saturday a friend and I headed off to my Dads New Years Party to bartend for a couple hours. It was a good way to start the evening. We both bartended there last year (although last year we stayed the whole night) and had a blast. The two of us have fun together no matter what we are doing. We were there from 6:15pm until around 8pm. We made $25 each (we didn't actually think we were getting paid this year since it was only a couple hours) and had a very tasty supper.

Right after we went to her house to change and head out to the usual place. It was pretty busy there but not too packed. Despite the Oilers loss we were all hyper. I had an absolute blast. It was a great way to ring in the New Year.

Here are some of the things that went on:
~ Danced on the bar
~ Caught a glimpse of some fireworks
~ B won a DVD player which he gave to me (thanks B!)
~ Was told by the bartender to grab her ass because it's such a great ass
~ Grabbed her ass (it is a great ass)
~ Danced more on the bar
~ Wanted to play fight with D but she refused. I think she is a little chicken due to our last fight.
~ Claimed a few more people as mine
~ They agreed to the claim
~ One girl was upset that I didn't claim her
~ Claimed her too
~ Listened to funny messages left by Mac
~ Left funny messages for Mac
~ Had a funny conversation with Mac (which included arguments on who was visiting who next)

I'm sure I'm missing things to add to the list. I had a fantastic time.

New Years Day was spent in my PJ's the entire day. I stayed at D, D and B's overnight and as soon as we were up we threw Firefly in and watched the first 7 episodes. We ate pizza and lounged all day. I got home just in time to shower and go to bed.

Happy New Year to everyone. I hope we all have a great year!
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