Friday, December 30, 2005

What a night. I went out last night to my usual place. Dillon was there. It was really difficult to see him. I stayed though because I knew that he would always be there and I have to get over seeing him.

One thing that made the night a lot easier was a BUNCH of friends showed up. Ones that I haven't seen in a while. One in particular I haven't seen for at least a year. It was great to see them. It's funny how you can not see someone for a long time yet when you do it's like time hasn't really passed.

I did end up talking to Dillon near the end of the night. He apologised. Not only for being a jerk on Monday but also for not talking to me sooner. He said that he tends to run from things. I told him that neither of those things better happen again or I will walk away. I won't be treated like dirt and I won't be left hurt/confused for days before it gets worked out. So we're still together. I'm glad it got worked out but I'm even more hesitant about the relationship. We'll see how it goes.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Well I phoned him last night and left a message. If I don't hear from him then I know he is done. I refuse to let it get to me. I refuse to be down over it. I really like him BUT there are other guys out there and eventually I'll find one that will treat me right. I do hope he phones but if not I will. not. be upset about it.

I have this whole weekend off including tomorrow. This time I am not going into work. If I get called I'll just say NO. I went in last weekend and I'm not going to do that this weekend. Sure it was only 3 hours but it broke up a nice weekend off.

The place I'm going for New Years is doing a theme. You are supposed to dress naughty or nice. Anyone have any ideas for me on what to wear? I was thinking of doing naughty AND nice but am not sure what to wear for that.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

My sadness of yesterday wasn't about the season. It was about the way I was treated by Dillon on Monday. I give him some excuse because he was quite drunk but I still do not appreciate being talked to the way I was and will not allow it to happen again. I'm not going to go into too much detail here. He hasn't phoned me (I haven't phoned him either though) to work it out. There could be a few reasons like he is embarassed or scared to call. Or he doesn't think he did anything wrong and is upset that I was mad. Thing is though the more time that passes the more mad I am. If I don't hear from him by the time I am done both jobs today I've pretty much decided I'll call him but I have a feeling it isn't going to turn out with us still together. SO in preparation for that:

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust

Now onto my plans for New Years Eve. I've been pretty undecided as to what I want to do. I was thinking I'd like to do something different than the usual Saturday night thing. I was thinking another bar or just have people over. Then again though I always have fun at Bo's and most of my friends will be there so why not just spend it doing what I like to do. It might be a little weird if Dillon and I are no longer together and he shows up there. (I actually don't think he will show up there if we aren't together since Saturdays there wasn't really his thing until he found out I went) B offered a solution though. We'll go to Bo's and if at any point for any reason either of us want to leave (more likely me wanting to than him) he'll have a bottle of champagne waiting for us at home and we'll toast the new year there instead. We'll bring whoever wants to come but if it's just us then it's just us. I doubt that will end up happening but it's nice to have the option.

I don't really do the New Year resolution thing. I have yet to see a resolution through so what is the point in making one. I might change my mind and settle on something before midnight but more likely I'll just resolve to let what happens in the new year happen.

I usually look forward to the new year with excitement. Wondering what will happen and how different my life will be from the year before. This year in some ways I'm almost sad to see the year gone. I've had a great year (despite the heartaches). I haven't had a year so full of fun and enjoyment and happiness in a long time. Yeah parts of it sucked but even when I was down I would always have fun with my friends. Whatever we were doing.

So I have them.... ALL of them to thank for making last year such a good one. I promise to do my best to help make your upcoming year a good one.

Now a story about last night. I got off work and headed to my friends birthday celebration (HAPPY BIRTHDAY D!!) and had a good time hanging out there. I was feeling pretty tired so I left around 11. When I was almost home though I decided I didn't actually want to be home yet so I turned around and headed to B's work to hang out for a bit and then give him a lift home. Soon as I got there I knew it was a good idea. I right away felt a little less down. With the music playing the hellos from B and DJguy.

Hung out there cracking jokes and laughing at their jokes. Put me in a much better mood. As B and I were headed to his place (almost there actually) I ran an Amber light. It had turned just before I got into the intersection and on normal roads I probably could have stopped in time. The reason I didn't though is because of how slippery the roads were. I figured if I tried I'd probably have slid into the intersection. Just my luck though there was a police officer waiting for the light. As soon as I passed through I said oh crap he is so pulling me over. Sure enough there go the lights. So I stopped and started searching for my registration and insurance.

Officer comes to my window and asks if I knew why I was pulled over and I said oh yeah it was because the light was amber. He says yes that's right. I handed over my lisence but told him it would take a second to find the registration and insurance. So he talks about how dangerous it is to go through the light. I say yeah that's actually why I didn't stop.. I didn't want to hit my brakes only to slide through the intersection. I then handed over the registration and insurance and he went to his car to write the ticket.

I was pretty upset about getting a ticket. It was my own fault but just my luck that a cop was RIGHT there when I went through. Not long after he went to his car he came back to mine and told me he was just going to give me a warning. He was like you need to be careful because this late at night and this time of year there are some crazy drivers out there and you really need to watch for them. I of course thanked him and told him I'd be very careful. Then I asked him where he was from because of his accent. He was like oh it's polish accent. When he left I turned to Bob and went wow am I ever happy my luck isn't gone from me for everything. Oh and that cop is CUTE.

I think I got only a warning because when he looked up my driver information it showed only one ticket since I got my lisence (or none in the last 7 years if that's all it shows). So he assumed I am normally a good driver. Which, I think I'm not a bad driver but I probably skirt that line..

So even though I was feeling down because of the boy issues and the having to work both jobs and various other things I still managed to have a good day.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Sometimes I just want to go back.... currently I want to go back to this



Me loving the tubing

Hangin in the water

Sky at Wizard Lake

The warm weather. The enormous amounts of fun. The carefree time on the lake. That's what I want. I am done with being stressed. I am done with drama. I want to walk away. I know if I do I will regret it but at this point... I just am tired of being upset.

I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of not knowing... or not understanding. Of feeling like I'm not enough or not worth it. Or something. Just so tired. Tired of trying again and again only to get hurt each time.

Monday, December 26, 2005


I can't really explain why I dislike Christmas so much. I guess it has to do with being reminded of what I don't have. I try to think of all I DO have (like a great family and wonderful friends) but in a way hanging out with the family and seeing other families so happy around Christmas makes me realize that (even though I currently have a boyfriend) I'm still alone. For another Christmas. I had places I could have gone on Christmas Day but I just didn't want to be the outsider looking in again. Which is how I feel.

I went over to a friends place to hang out with him and then to another friends place to hang out with a bunch of people. It was definitely more in line of what I wanted to do. I was still a little down. Especially since Dillon didn't phone me but showed up at the friends house (not knowing I'd be there). I understand that he doesn't like Christmas either and that hanging out with family takes a toll on him but to not want to talk to me when he was free of his family stuff makes me feel like I'm unimportant.

It's probably just a Christmas thing and I'm not putting too much weight on that. I am going to try and shrug it off because I can see these holidays put him in a bad place. It's just the holidays put me in a bad place too and I'd have really liked to have spent some time with him.

Enough of my whining. Last night at the friends place there was a lightsaber. A very realistic looking and sounding one. I want one. It's so cool.

One of the best moments Christmas Eve was my 3 year old niece opening the gift I got her. As soon as she got an idea of what it was she repeated in a very excited 'oh my gosh'. It was the cutest thing!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

5 more visitors until 10000! Edit: in the time it took to write this and post it I only have three more until 10000.

How to charm me:
Tell me you like everything I do. That even when we aren't sitting together you enjoy knowing I'm there.

Another way to charm me:
Continue the running joke of being my fake boyfriend and pay for my bill. Thanks B!

Yet another way to charm me:
Come into work (part time guy) just to drop off a gift for me.

Edit again: Within 2 minutes of my last post I hit the 10001 mark. Someone from this site was my ten thousandth visitor.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Saw Narnia last night. Defintely enjoyed it. It seems I am not meant to go to late movies anymore though. I nearly fell asleep. If I didn't like the movie so much I probably would have fallen asleep. When I saw Harry Potter (both times I saw it) I nearly fell asleep too. Now I didn't enjoy Harry Potter as much as Narnia but still. I think I need to avoid the late shows.

This has seemed like such a long week. I work both jobs today and tomorrow and then thankfully I don't work at the second job until Tuesday. I not only have this weekend off (including Monday) from both jobs but I also have next weekend off (including Friday). I am so excited. I'm more excited about the time off than I am about Christmas.

At the moment I am typing this I am only 25 visitors away from hitting 10000!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Looks like we got it all worked out. There was a lot of misunderstanding. I'm glad we got the chance to talk it out. I think we're going to try see Narnia tonight. Hopefully I don't end up cleaning too late.

What I really should do is go out and buy Christmas gifts since I haven't even started yet. The only gift I bought is for myself.... a new pair of glasses. I'm just not in the Christmas spirit. I hate that I HAVE to buy gifts. I'd rather go out and give someone a gift for no reason than go out and give someone something because I have to. I love my family and I have no problem spending money on them. I just don't like the obligation of it. The pressure of finding a gift they will like... of how much to spend.

Edit: I am completely spoiled. My Daddy is doing some of MY Christmas shopping for me.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Staff Christmas party = Lots of alcohol

Lots of alcohol = Wanting to see boyfriend

Seeing boyfriend while intoxicated = NOT a good idea especially if said boyfriend is also drunk.

It seems there is a big chance that I am single. Again.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I mentioned an Aunt that we never knew about. Here is that story.

During our visit with my grandfather he told my 'mom' that she has a sister. My 'mom' could just barely remember my grandmother being pregnant. She was only a few years old at the time and just remembers that she got fatter but then really quickly wasn't anymore. My grandfather and grandmother weren't together very long after my 'mom' was born and when they split my grandmother started seeing someone. She got pregnant but already had two kids and didn't think she could take care of a third. She decided to give her up for adoption.

As soon as my 'mom' found this out she searched for her. It wasn't long before she got in contact with her. About six months later she flew to Calgary to see her. We went down and met her too. Turns out she is a lawyer. She actually lived on the same street as my brother. Talk about co-incidences. Her son and my brother used to play street hockey together.

She has three kids. Two boys and one girl. The same as my 'mom'. In fact one of her sons has the same name as my oldest brother. While there I got a picture of my 'mom', aunt and myself. We all look so much alike.

Unfortunately I haven't spoken to her or seen her since. I got the impression that she thought she was too good for our family. Sometimes I think about her and want to get in touch with her again. I want to meet my cousins (I only met one when I was there). Part of me says forget it though. She didn't seem to want to get to know us and I'm not sure she wants us to know her family.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


I send you a ton of HUGS and a ton of KISSES!!! Miss you! Hope you have an awesome day and a great year!

Monday, December 12, 2005

1. Delve into your blog archive. Done

2. Search the archives for the 23rd post. It's the one where I was checking out trailers. Tuesday April 26.
3. Find the 5th sentence, or closest to it. Found it.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas. "I can not fuckin wait though!" Meaning: I'm impatient.
Subtext: I'm a nerd.
5. Tag 5 people to do the same. Everyone should know by now that when I do a Meme I don't follow the rules. Which means... I tag no one.

I can't believe I am so close to having 10 000 visits to my site and that I'm close to my 200th post. I really didn't think I'd keep the blog going so long.

Friday, December 09, 2005

One of the reasons I like my new guy so much.....

Me (at work on the phone): I'm not in a good mood today.
Dillon: Aww why not?
Me: I don't know I'm just not.

(more conversation for a couple minutes)

Dillon: Oh can I call you back I'm just on a crappy road and don't want to be on my cell here.
Me: Yeah no problem

15 minutes later

In walks Dillon with my favorite coffee. What
a great way to make me smile. He stayed and talked (and made me laugh) for a while. By the time he left I was in a much better mood.

I thank Steve for this game.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

My nephew was born at 3:30am on December 7. He is adorable. He has SO much hair. We were debating if he has more hair than my first niece. He also looks more like my brother than my nieces did. My brother disagrees and says he looks just like my second niece did when she was born. He does look a lot like both nieces but more like my brother than the other two did. Of course he IS only a day old so really it's a little soon to tell.

I gave him a stuffed monkey and I got my nieces stuffed Unicorns (couldn't leave them out) and my older niece called me and left a message saying thank you and I love you. That is the best way to make my day. I absolutely LOVE when she leaves me messages.

This has been a busy and somewhat exhausting week. Today is the third day I've worked both jobs plus the one night I didn't work at the part time one I had to clean here. Not a whole lot of rest. Thankfully after next week my schedule at the part time job is going to clear up (thats when the less hours there kicks in). Also it means I'll have extra money for Christmas which is definitely a good thing.

Dillon and I are still doing good. He came out last night with me and my friends. I think he was a little nervous. He was a lot more fidgety than usual. It probably didn't help that my friends were teasing us. I know my friends like him so that's good.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I am NOT a patient person. I sit here at work wondering and wondering when my nephew is going to be born. I got a hold of my Dad and found everything is going well but labor is going slow. So more waiting. I do not want to wait!

Had another very good weekend. I spent a lot of time with my new guy. (I'll call him Dillon for the blog) He is a sweetie. I'm sure you guys would approve of the way he treats me. At least so far ;)

Anyway off to clean the shop and wonder some more about when my nephew is going to be born.

Friday, December 02, 2005

I am finally getting around to doing the Meme that Penny tagged me with. :)

Ten years ago: I had just turned 18 and was working at Happy Mart (as assistant manager). I was also working hockey games. I was wondering what the heck I'd do when I was finished my last year of High School.

Five years ago: I just started this job and was just getting to know some of the online friends I still have. Nothing too exciting was going on in my life back then.

One year ago: Working lots n lots. Not much has changed since then other than I now spend even more time with friends.

Yesterday: I slept in a little bit and was a bit late for work so I stayed late to make up for it. Then went home and relaxed... laid around with the dog we are dogsitting. Such a sweet dog. Then cleaned the office (I'm making extra money to do that which is one of the reasons I'll work less at my part time job). Then went home and did laundry.

Five snacks i enjoy:
1. Chips
2. Beef Jerky
3. Lowks Salsa (that stuff is awesome)
I don't have five snacks... lol I really don't snack very much.

Five songs to which i know all the words:
1. Imagine - John Lennon
2. Black Widow - Motley Crue
3. I Surrender - Celine Dion
4. One Thing - Finger Eleven
5. The Dance - Garth Brooks

Five things i would do with $100 million (Leaving Penny's note: in Canada, if you win $100 million, you actually get a cheque for $100 million. No tax, no installments... you get the whole shebang at once):
1. Pay off all my debts
2. Buy my Dad, Brothers and Sister houses (probably also buy for friends... as well as some cars)
3. Start a trust fund for my nieces and nephews
4. Take a trip around the world (and bring friends with me)
5. Put a big chunk of it away.... also spend more on friends and family

Five places to run away:
1. California
2. Barcelona
3. Various places in Canada
4. Rome
5. Greece.

Five bad habits:
1. I smoke (I will keep trying to quit though and one day will manage it)
2. I swear like crazy
3. I can be a push over
4. I can be selfish
5. I can be moody

Five things i like doing:
1. Making people laugh
2. Laughing so hard I'm crying
3. Spending time with family
4. Spending time with friends
5. Helping people

Five things i would never wear:
1. Spandex
2. A mumu (So agree)
3. Low cut jeans (they look bad on everyone).
4. Frilly shit
5. Emroidered flowery shirts

Five favorite tv shows (I'm including old shows):
1. Buffy
2. Gilmore Girls
3. Alias
4. Firefly
5. Smallville

Five biggest joys in my life:
1. My nieces and nephews
2. My Daddy
3. My friends
4. Laughing
5. Traveling

Five favorite toys:
1. Computer
2. Playstation
3. A toy I got from Trix
4. My car (can that count as a toy?)
5. Can I count my books as toys?

Also taken from Penny:
Take the quiz: "Which beautiful Sorceress are you?"

Lightening Sorceress
You depict the Lightening Sorceress! Controlling lightening and using it for weaponry is your main magic. The rain is your sanctuary and the thunder is your guide.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

For many years I thought my 'moms' father was dead. I thought that because we never saw him. I never asked about him. I knew my Grandma died when I was very little and just assumed that's what happened to my Grandpa too.

Just before meeting my Brother when my 'mom' came to visit she informed us that if we wanted we could go to Calgary to meet our Grandfather. I was shocked. He was always alive and I didn't even know. Of course I wanted to meet him.

We met him and his girlfriend. It was really cool meeting him. When he saw me he just kind of froze for a second. Then he told me that I look so much like my Grandmother when she was my age that it was like he was looking at her again.

It wasn't too much time after that first time meeting him though that we figured out why my 'mom' didn't have a lot to do with him. He is a cranky selfish man. He would get upset when we wouldn't stay with him in Calgary (we would stay with my brother). He called me up the day before I was having a graduation party and said he'd be in town for the weekend but would only have time to meet up the next day. I told him that I couldn't because I was having a party. It wasn't just that I was going to a party but I was hosting it and everyone already knew about it. There was no way I'd be able to meet up. He got angry and I didn't hear from him for a couple years after that.

I went to visit him when he was here another time. It was a very nice visit... he wasn't grouchy. My brother and I warned his wife that he's a grouchy old man and she laughed at us after we left because he was nothing like what we told her to expect. Since then I haven't heard from him but my brother and sister-in-law have kept in touch.

I told this story to lead up to the discovery of an Aunt that we didn't know about.
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