I.AM.SO.BORED

I am slowly going crazy
1-2-3-4-5-6 switch
crazy going slowly am I
6-5-4-3-2-1 switch

I am slowly going crazy.... ah you all get the point. SO FUCKING BORED

Today I am reminded of one of the reasons I don't drink often. I'm very hungover. Thankfully it's a rainy lazy day and I don't have to worry about moving. I did have to go pick up my car from D, B and Ds house and I will be going out to switch cars with my sister later but that's about all I'll be doing today.

At first my goal to get drunk last night did not seem to be working. I had a few rye and gingers and a shot. Still felt 100% sober. Then more people showed up. I did many more shots. I was most definitely drunk. There was dancing, dancing on the bar and only a few pics. I seem to always forget about my camera when I take it. All in all I had a good time. Worth the hangover? Not so sure about that.

Edit: How to charm me
Drop my sisters car off and pick up my car for me because I'm hungover. I got a call from my sister asking if I had talked to my Dad. Turns out he told her he'd be doing the exchange for me. I am so spoiled.

Working at 8am on a Saturday sucks. However getting off work at 1pm is awesome. I'll be heading to the mall soon with D. I'm going to see if I can find some more dressier clothes. He needs a new outfit to wear to his niece and nephews baptism tomorrow. I don't think he realizes I'm going to drag him around to stores for me too.

BTW everyone XMG still reads my blog. He said you're wrong Penny. I don't think you are completely wrong but he does. I especially don't think you're wrong about the 'he's a moron for giving you up' part ;) . Anyway we're still going to remain friends. It will be hard at first but it's always nice if a relationship doesn't work out you still get a friend out of it.

I was going to just add an edit to my last post but since there is already two edits and the post is long enough I'll just do a new one. I'm home from the interview. It went really well. If they don't hire me I think it will be only because I am not used to a fast paced environment. I stressed the fact that fast paced is what I'm looking for. I stressed that I'm a very quick learner. So hopefully they give me a chance. All three of them seemed to like me and like what I was saying. When leaving they were all had very open body language. I really like the sounds of that job so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get a call. They said I'll hear either way by the end of next week.

The sad thing is when I got home after the interview excited that it went well it hit me that I can't call XMG and talk about it and got me very sad. It sucks. I have to say a thank you to Penny (well thank you to everyone over the last couple days but today right now especially to Penny) for the last comment she made. It made me smile and made me feel a little bit better. So thank you.

Remember a little while back I was talking about what size of pants I had just bought. Well, I went shopping last night for some clothes to wear to interviews. In this office I wear pretty much whatever I want. Jeans, tank tops... whatever. Most offices however are not so casual so I had to find some dressier clothes. I discovered I'm a size 0. How the heck did that happen?? To think that around 5 years ago I was a size 12. I've also got a lot of compliments on my new shirt too.

I figured out the reason the break up hasn't hit me more. It's because I'm used to not seeing him. Since he was away for his job I didn't get used to seeing him on a regular basis. When people ask how we're doing and I have to tell them we aren't together that's when I get upset. I also get upset at different times of the day when I think about it. So the key is not to think about it. Thankfully with upcoming interviews I've had other things to think about. I think I just have a hard time believing it's over.

This weekend my sister borrowed my car. She is going out of town and I didn't trust her car to make it. So I offered her the use of mine. However I drove hers for 5 minutes and already wanted to trade back. She drove mine for 5 minutes and already wants to buy one. Thank goodness I'll only be driving hers for a weekend.

Edit: I almost forgot to say a big thank you to Mossy for the help on writing my reference letter. My boss is away for a week and since he won't be around if anyone calls for a reference I asked if he'd write one for me. His response was... you write it... I'll sign it. So I asked Mossy for his help and he totally came through with a very glowing reference letter which my boss signed. Thank you Mossy.

Another edit: I just talked to the co-owner of my bosses other company and he's going to write me a reference letter. He also said I can give his name and number as a reference. I'm so happy to have reference letters. I have one from every manager I had at one of the other companies I worked for but they are over 6 years old. It really helps to have current ones when getting interviewed.

Thanks for all the comments guys. I don't think it's really hit me yet. One thing I know is I'll be ok. I'll move on. I'll get drunk this weekend to get my mind off of it. I'm going to spend some time with friends. I'll move on. Who knows what will come next. I learned some things with XMG so it wasn't a waste. I understand why he felt he had to move on even if I don't agree. I truly hope the next girl is the one he was looking for.

On the job front... I'm still looking. I had an interview today at a bank. I think it went well. They got me to fill out the paperwork that will be processed if I'm the one they hire. I doubt they'd do that if they didn't like me. I'll find out if I'm the one they want to hire by the end of next week.

I have another interview on Friday. I think I'd like the job I'm interviewing for on Friday better but we'll see. It sounds like exactly what I want. I just hope I'm qualified enough for it. I still have other options on the burner so I'm not worrying about it too much.

As much as the change is freaking me out I'm looking forward to doing something new.

Looks like my search for Mr.Right continues.

This sucks.

Pasts. Peoples pasts are what make them who they are. The things that they've done, seen or heard are what shapes them into the person they are. The good and the bad. I think everyone has done things they wouldn't be proud to talk about. It doesn't make them a bad person. It doesn't mean they would ever repeat what they have done.

Why do people judge who you are just because you may have done something in the past. I mean there is a line right. If you're a killer you deserve to be judged on that. A child molester deserves the judgements he/she will get. I'm talking about things that are on a less serious scale as that.

I'm talking about mistakes you might have made. Or things you have done/said that at the time seemed right for you but may not have been. Things you may have said that in the end you never would have done.

Often the things you did that may not have been good so you keep them hidden from others. You will say what you can to hide what you've done because you know that isn't who you are. That isn't the person you want to be. That isn't the person you want them to see because you don't want to be judged by it. Then there are the things that you want to forget. You do anything you can to forget that once you were that person. Sometimes you'll succeed in forgetting and sometimes you won't.

For me the things I've done in my past have made me realize what kind of person I want to be. What I want my future to be like. What I don't want my future to be like. They are things that I will never repeat. I don't regret what I've done. I had reasons for everything I did. I am who I am because of what I've done. It doesn't mean I'll ever do them again. I strive for things in my future because of things I've done in my past.

I can't go backwards and change what I've done. I can only go forwards and not repeat the things I'm not happy I did. I just wish it wasn't so easy for people to judge who I am based on my past. I wish it was easier when knowing my past to see the person I actually am without allowing past to cloud the judgement.

I wrote this as a draft a week ago. I'm still not sure I should post it. The thing is I use my blog for my thoughts and it is very cathartic to get them out. I really don't want to start filtering what I say here so.... I'm hitting post.

Went to the usual place last night. I got to see some people that I haven't seen in a couple months. One of the girls totally made my night by telling me I look amazing and asking if I started modeling.

I also just noticed that I'm going to hit the 15000 visitors mark. It seems like such a short time ago I hit 10000.

Edit: Hit 15000 at 10:18am according to sitemeter it was someone from Edmonton.

I feel really good about the decision to give my notice. No, I still don't have another job but I feel relieved to know I won't be working here anymore. This job wasn't horrible but it hasn't been good for a while now. I kept thinking I needed to find something else but would just put it off. I've been here for 6 years so the process of finding something else was a little scary. Plus this place had it's good moments so it didn't always seem so important to go elsewhere. I'm looking forward to going somewhere new and hopefully it will be busier than here.

A lot of my co-workers are unhappy that I'm leaving. The ones that know have all asked me not to go. It's nice to hear that they like working with me.

Fortunately my boss and the foreman are also being good about it. The foreman has actually been nicer to me and my boss hasn't given me attitude for leaving. I placed the ad for my job today which was kind of strange but also felt very good.

Well I've done it. I put in my three weeks notice. I don't have another job yet. Hopefully by then I will but if I don't I'll just take a waitressing job or something while I continue looking. I do have an interview for a bank next week. I'm not worried about finding something.... well not too worried.

Chris requested I post one or two of my favorite pics from the trip. Here are my four favorite pics.

Edit: I took out the other pics since I'm not sure XMG would want them on here anymore. I still have them on flickr.

Back from my weekend to the mountains. The weekend was a lot of fun. Friday we headed to Jasper. We went to Pyramid lake which was really pretty. Our campsite was really nice, close to a creek. A squirrel came to our campsite and we gave him some bread. It actually took some of the bread right out of my hand.

After a bit of a rough start (that I won't get into) we had a good time friday night. Drank way too much. Woke up Saturday with a massive hangover. MG put up with my grouchiness. He also was the one (without help from me) to take down our campsite. I was busy being sick and nursing the hangover (he was hungover too...).

We left Jasper to go to Banff and stopped at the glacier on the way. It was pretty cold so I wimped out and we didn't actually walk on the glacier. The drive was pretty rough on both of us so we got to the campsite and set up. We didn't do anything after that other than sit by the campfire. I was not in the greatest mood most of the day and evening. Glad he was able to put up with it.

Sunday was a great day. We went sight seeing at Lake Louise. It's a breathtaking sight. It started raining while we were there so we didn't stay too long.

We went canoeing at Emerald Lake. I've never been canoeing before and even though it was a bit of a work out on the arms I enjoyed it. It was absolutely beautiful on the lake.

We went to kicking horse natural bridge which was really neat to see. The water wore away at rocks and you can actually walk across. We didn't though due to it being really slippery.

After that we saw takakkaw falls. Absolutely amazing. That was probably my favorite sight of the trip. I could probably watch the falls for hours.

Sunday night was fun too.... other than the rain. We got back to our campsite in the early evening to sit around the fire. It was really nice.. until it started to rain. We quickly put up our tarp. Once we had it up we didn't really get wet but it wasn't so close to the fire either so we got a bit cold. Still though it was a good time. It stopped raining after a while and we were able to sit at the fire again for a bit.

It was raining when we got up this morning. I think we took down camp in record time. We were all packed up, showered and on the road within an hour and a half. Before heading home we went up the gondola. It started clearing up when we were up there so we had some nice views and got some pictures. Speaking of pictures; I've uploaded them to flickr.

Well I won't be meeting his son this week. His sons Mom wouldn't answer her phone (or call back) so MG wasn't able to go pick him up. I was looking forward to meeting him and I know MG was looking forward to spending time with him. Sucks that she did that.

We'll be heading out to Jasper tomorrow and then Banff on Saturday and Sunday. I'm so excited for the weekend away. The weather looks nice for Banff and not as nice tomorrow for Jasper. It's been a while since I went camping and I can't wait to get away from the city. I of course also can't wait to spend the weekend with MG.

Things are still going well. He doesn't like staying over at my house (can't really blame him since his truck was broken into) and I don't like staying at his place when his roomate is home so that's not so good. I'm sure that will work itself out though and I do get to spend plenty of time with him when he is in town.

I had a great time at the lake. MG did end up coming. He met around 15 people so he was pretty nervous. My nieces are so adorable. The younger one stayed away from MG pretty much all day but when we were leaving she reached out saying 'ug' to get a hug from him. Too cute.

I'm pretty sure my Dad likes him. I know my sister in law does. She gave me the nod.

I also ended up meeting MGs sister and boyfriend (and a couple of their friends) on Sunday. I like his sister and from what MG says she likes me. I was really quiet though.... shy. I was also really nervous at first but it turned out to be a good time.

MG had to head out for work this morning. Hopefully this time it will only be a day or two. He'll definitely be back for Friday since we will be heading out on our weekend trip to the mountains. I'm so excited.

I'll also probably meet his son on Friday. I'm pretty excited to meet him. A little nervous. He's only 5 and since kids tend to like me I don't think it will be a problem but I'll also be meeting his Mom and probably other of his siblings. I'm glad I met his sister yesterday though at least I sort of know someone else there. lol