Saturday, July 22, 2006

Pasts. Peoples pasts are what make them who they are. The things that they've done, seen or heard are what shapes them into the person they are. The good and the bad. I think everyone has done things they wouldn't be proud to talk about. It doesn't make them a bad person. It doesn't mean they would ever repeat what they have done.

Why do people judge who you are just because you may have done something in the past. I mean there is a line right. If you're a killer you deserve to be judged on that. A child molester deserves the judgements he/she will get. I'm talking about things that are on a less serious scale as that.

I'm talking about mistakes you might have made. Or things you have done/said that at the time seemed right for you but may not have been. Things you may have said that in the end you never would have done.

Often the things you did that may not have been good so you keep them hidden from others. You will say what you can to hide what you've done because you know that isn't who you are. That isn't the person you want to be. That isn't the person you want them to see because you don't want to be judged by it. Then there are the things that you want to forget. You do anything you can to forget that once you were that person. Sometimes you'll succeed in forgetting and sometimes you won't.

For me the things I've done in my past have made me realize what kind of person I want to be. What I want my future to be like. What I don't want my future to be like. They are things that I will never repeat. I don't regret what I've done. I had reasons for everything I did. I am who I am because of what I've done. It doesn't mean I'll ever do them again. I strive for things in my future because of things I've done in my past.

I can't go backwards and change what I've done. I can only go forwards and not repeat the things I'm not happy I did. I just wish it wasn't so easy for people to judge who I am based on my past. I wish it was easier when knowing my past to see the person I actually am without allowing past to cloud the judgement.

I wrote this as a draft a week ago. I'm still not sure I should post it. The thing is I use my blog for my thoughts and it is very cathartic to get them out. I really don't want to start filtering what I say here so.... I'm hitting post.


Blogger lowk said...

I understand EXACTLY what you're saying Dani. Our past defines us. I think the choices made and the end result need to make sense to those who want to judge. Some people can not accept things if the ends don't justify the means. I hope people will find that whatever you've done in your past has made you the intelligent,caring and sensitive woman you are today. If they can't, maybe they have issues in their own past that they need to resolve.

10:28 AM, July 23, 2006  
Anonymous Joefish said...

Is someone using your past to judge your present?

10:00 PM, July 23, 2006  
Blogger Outburst said...

You hit it exactly and squarely on the head.
Although the past has created the person we are today, the mistakes we've made only negatively contribute to our person if we haven't learned from them.

6:06 AM, July 24, 2006  
Blogger Callie said...

People always judge us. But it takes the best kind of person to be able to move on from it, and not dwell.

6:53 AM, July 24, 2006  
Blogger Danikabur said...

Thanks guys. It's great to know I have such wonderful friends that accept me for me even knowing everything I've done.

Welcome Outburst!

4:17 PM, July 24, 2006  
Blogger Motherdear said...

Dani, if living this long has taught me one thing, it's that we must learn from the past and live for the present. What's that old expression? "Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, so all we have is today. Today is God's gift to us. That's why it's called 'The Present'." Right?

Sounds like you've learned this lesson a lot younger than I did!! Good for you, Kitten! The things we do are mistakes only if we don't take the lesson. If we do, they're not mistakes. They're 'learning experiences'. We all have to make them, they're inherent in the human condition. And those who judge the harshest don't exactly climb off their crosses for meals and Monday Night Football!!! They've made their own learning experiences, and as such, have no right to judge anyone else's.

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Anyone who is judging you, send them to talk to Ol' Motherdear. I'll have a chat with them. THEN I'll hit them with my cane!!!

You're perfect, right where you stand. Never forget that, honey.

8:39 PM, July 24, 2006  
Blogger Danikabur said...

I'm far from perfect but thank you Motherdear!

8:55 AM, July 25, 2006  

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