Thursday, May 12, 2005

I slept in today. I woke up with enough time to get ready and make it to work but I just could not get my ass out of bed. I didn't even call in to work. So I slept and slept. I finally woke up around 11. I was a little suprised no one from work phoned to find out where the hell I was. I got ready and was about to leave when my cell rang. It was my boss. He called to see how I was doing. Not why I wasn't at work but to make sure I was ok. I told him I was on my way to work and he was glad to hear it. Just another reason I (sometimes) love this job. I can not show up and all that happens is they are concerned with my health. I do feel much better so I'm glad for the rest I just wish it didn't mean less pay. lol

So I've been thinking about a post I want to make but I'm not sure I have it all thought out. If this makes little sense forgive me.

My parents divorved when I was really little. I don't think I was even a year old yet. During the time they were seperated my brother remembers staying with my aunt. He doesn't remember me being there the whole time. He knows I was there for some of it but he also remembers asking where I was and why I wasn't there.

My Dad remarried when I was about four. He and the step bitch (she was not nice to me at all) divorced when I was 15. Shortly after they seperated. When she was pretending that she still gave a shit she took me out for a birthday dinner. When she dropped me back off at home she told me that there was something about my Dad she felt I needed to know but that I should be older before I found out.

I of course immediately told my Dad and asked him what it could be. He told me that he wasn't sure but thought it was him having a son that was given up for adoption. It made sense to be something she would figure I should know but it didn't make sense that the secret shouldn't also be known by my brother. She was very specific in it being something I should know. Not something we should know.

My brother and I talked about it and started putting things together. We figured out that the only thing that made sense is that my Dad was unsure if I was his biological daughter. My mom is a little bit messed up and we figured it wouldn't have been a stretch to think she cheated on my Dad. Plus my mom had a son that she gave up for adoption and we've known about that since we could remember. So why would him having a kid be something that would have to wait until I was older.

Once we figured it out I decided (and my brother agreed) that we would never ask my Dad. We didn't want to hurt his feelings. I mean he is my Dad. He took care of me when I was sick. He raised me. So what does it really matter if biologically he isn't my Dad.

A few years later (when I was probably 18) I talked to the ex step bitch about it. I asked her what it was she felt I should know. She didn't want to tell me. She said she was beyond making trouble for my Dad and didn't want to tell me something that might effect our relationship. I told her it was unfair to do that. She is the one who told me there was something I should know and so she can't just decide not to tell. After some convincing she finally told me. My brother and I were right. My Dad told her that he was unsure I was really his biological daughter.

I was a little stunned that we were right. It still didn't make a lot of difference though. If he isn't my biological father he still is my real Dad.

Since then I have asked my mom. She denies the possibily. The thing is though she lied to me and I know it is a lie. She told me I was born a week late. However that isn't true. According to my Dad I was born three weeks early. She faked an appendix attack to get me out. My Dad was very clear on the fact that I was born early. I just don't believe her.

I also asked my Aunt. She and my Dad have always been pretty close so I figured she would know. She told me he never said anything like that to her but that she definitely sees it being possible. She knew my mom. She knew what she was doing to my Dad for a long time before they split. She would go out to the bars and stay at other peoples (men or women) places for a week or two before going back home.

I can't really look tell by looking at myself and then looking at my Dad if I'm blood related. I look way too much like my mom and my grandma. When I was 16 (or 17) I met my Granddad for the first time (I have a truly messed up family) and he said he felt like he had flashed back in time. I looked exactly the way my grandmother looked the day he met her.

Like I've said. My Dad is my Dad. Nothing will change that. I would like to know though if I have other brothers or sisters out there. I'm fine with the fact that I'll probably never know. Even if I found out for sure that he isn't my biological Dad I doubt my mom would even remember the name of the guy (or guys) who is my biological father.


Blogger n.v. said...

Hi, Danika. I saw your comment at my blog; thanks for visiting. I really like what you're doing here. It's very unaffected and honest. Plus, you're Canadian, so I have to like you.

4:30 PM, May 12, 2005  
Blogger Danikabur said...

Thanks! I enjoyed your blog as well.

4:31 PM, May 12, 2005  
Blogger Eelayna said...

As youve said hes dad. I know that when Im over or hear you guys on the phone, your constantly laughing! Nothing can top that kind of relationship when its father and daughter! I got the previlledge of meeting him, and I think hes awesome!!!

6:20 PM, May 12, 2005  
Blogger Digitalicat said...

I've glad to know you're not letting the whole situation affect your relationship with your dad.

What a cool post. Thanks for sharing something so personal with several random strangers.

Has anyone ever told you that your profile picture makes you look like Laetitia Casta?

11:29 PM, May 12, 2005  
Blogger Callie said...

I personally think your dad is awesome, and I've never even met him. Can't wait to!

And you know I think you're the best.

Also - tag! You're it. See my post today. *rolls eyes* LOL

7:26 AM, May 13, 2005  
Blogger Danikabur said...

Yeah you get to see our goofiness Eelayna... and hear me talk like a little kid. LOL

I have many more personal stories I'm sure I'll share LOL. Thanks for the compliment! Woot I look like a model! (well at least in one pic lol lol)

I think your the best too Calam! I do hope you get the chance to meet my Daddy!

9:23 AM, May 13, 2005  
Anonymous immi said...

DNA testing? :) Wouldn't suggest it. But i have a feeling ur stepbitch just wanted to hurt ur dad for divorcing her. Or for smth else. I mean, she's a bitch. She was hopping u would become mad, stop talking to him, leave home, and possibly he'd be sad and lonely and would want her back. But she would deny. And ur dad will die lonely and sadly. U might have crushed a wicked plan with ur silly wisdom!

1:37 PM, May 19, 2005  
Blogger Danikabur said...

See I would think she was just fucking with me to get at my dad if my brother and I hadn't already figured out that was what it was.

1:39 PM, May 19, 2005  

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