Since my birthday is coming up and I actually have a get together planned for it an old fear is coming to the surface. The fear is that no one will really show up for my birthday. The fear is an old one. I've had parties before that have turned out very well. Other than the one where I had WAY too much tequila and was in the bathroom saying 'I hate my birfday' for most of the night.

The reason though I have this fear is when I was turning 12 I was allowed to have ten people sleep over. This is the first time I was allowed so many people to actually stay over for my birthday and I was SO excited. I invited the ten people and they were to show up around 4pm.

I got everything ready and at 4pm my best friend showed up. So we hung out and waited for the rest of the people. And waited. And waited. No one else showed up. No one phoned. No one told me they weren't coming. On the friday before they ALL said they'd be there. I was absolutely crushed.

Ever since then though I try not to really organize birthday gatherings. I have had some parties for my birthday but one of them was organized by someone else and the other was thrown together last minute and I didn't really invite specific people. I just said party at my house show up anyone that can.

So now its coming up to my birthday celebration and people are already saying they are doing something else before showing up and will be there later. I'm afraid they won't show up at all. I know I'll still have a good time. I know there will be some people there for sure. I can't help but picture me sitting at a big reserved table with only a couple of the chairs filled up.