Sunday, September 25, 2005

A little more about my childhood. I hear all the time that when I was a few years old I was very outgoing. I almost always had center stage. I'd run around being cute and everyone just loved me. I was told that I was fearless. That I did what I wanted when I wanted but I was actually a very good kid. I didn't do things I knew were wrong. My cousin told me that she remembers my Grandparents 50th anniversary and how I was the life of the party.

Do you ever sit and wonder how you got from being a certain way when you are a kid to being the way you are now? I see a bit of that kid in me still. I also know how I went from being a not shy fearless kid to a shy self concious adult. I know the shy part might shock some of you but in real life when I first meet people I am VERY shy.

She isn't completely to blame. However I can lay the beginnings of my shyness on my Step-Bitch. The one thing I remember most about her is that she was always critisizing me in one way or another. She'd tell me that I was too hyper.. that I was too selfish.. that I was too much of a cry baby.. that I shouldn't be this way or that way. I never seemed good enough to please her. Even when I tried my hardest there was always something I did wrong.

This goes so far back that I'm not even really sure where to begin telling the story of my Step-Bitch. If it jumps around please forgive me. I have a feeling I'll type something and remember something else after or before.

I remember being very happy that I was getting a new Mom. I remember being excited. Then I remember being compared to her girls. Always there was something I was lacking. They were cuter. They were smarter. They weren't annoying. They weren't so picky.

I don't really know where to go from here. So I'm ending this post like this. For now. When I think of where/how to continue I will.

5 Comments:

Blogger Callie said...

I agree with MD, Dani-honey. You are perfect.

People can be so sstupid when it comes to raising children. Honestly, she was just jealous because her children weren't as lovely or outgoing as you were.

6:37 AM, September 26, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that as a child, and have it carry through into adulthood. Motherdear said it perfectly. Give yourself a hug from me.

7:16 AM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Danikabur said...

Thanks guys :) I know all of that now.. back then I didn't but as I grew up I became aware of it.

Its funny... her favorite disney movie was Cinderella. Go figure.

8:39 AM, September 26, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just think about where you are in life and where M&M are, you are in a much better place then they are, take comfort in that.

10:26 AM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Chris said...

Maybe you could recover your lost personality somehow? Maybe practice on being outgoing or something?

2:03 AM, September 30, 2005  

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