Sunday, September 25, 2005

A little more about my childhood. I hear all the time that when I was a few years old I was very outgoing. I almost always had center stage. I'd run around being cute and everyone just loved me. I was told that I was fearless. That I did what I wanted when I wanted but I was actually a very good kid. I didn't do things I knew were wrong. My cousin told me that she remembers my Grandparents 50th anniversary and how I was the life of the party.

Do you ever sit and wonder how you got from being a certain way when you are a kid to being the way you are now? I see a bit of that kid in me still. I also know how I went from being a not shy fearless kid to a shy self concious adult. I know the shy part might shock some of you but in real life when I first meet people I am VERY shy.

She isn't completely to blame. However I can lay the beginnings of my shyness on my Step-Bitch. The one thing I remember most about her is that she was always critisizing me in one way or another. She'd tell me that I was too hyper.. that I was too selfish.. that I was too much of a cry baby.. that I shouldn't be this way or that way. I never seemed good enough to please her. Even when I tried my hardest there was always something I did wrong.

This goes so far back that I'm not even really sure where to begin telling the story of my Step-Bitch. If it jumps around please forgive me. I have a feeling I'll type something and remember something else after or before.

I remember being very happy that I was getting a new Mom. I remember being excited. Then I remember being compared to her girls. Always there was something I was lacking. They were cuter. They were smarter. They weren't annoying. They weren't so picky.

I don't really know where to go from here. So I'm ending this post like this. For now. When I think of where/how to continue I will.

6 Comments:

Blogger Motherdear said...

That's so SAD, Dani. I wish I were there to punch her in the mouth!!! Why is it step-parents feel they have to do that, compare the kids, "push" theirs into the limelight. Geesh. I'm going to start calling you Cinderella, sweetie.

You know what, kitten?? You're perfect. SHE'S the one with the problem. It would take 20 of the Step-Bitch to make one as good as you. Ooooohhhh, I really wanna sock her one...she had no right to make you feel inadequate next to her kids.

I'm so sorry, baby. You deserved so much better. You still do.

Love and Hugs, Md

6:29 AM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Callie said...

I agree with MD, Dani-honey. You are perfect.

People can be so sstupid when it comes to raising children. Honestly, she was just jealous because her children weren't as lovely or outgoing as you were.

6:37 AM, September 26, 2005  
Anonymous lawbrat said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that as a child, and have it carry through into adulthood. Motherdear said it perfectly. Give yourself a hug from me.

7:16 AM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Danikabur said...

Thanks guys :) I know all of that now.. back then I didn't but as I grew up I became aware of it.

Its funny... her favorite disney movie was Cinderella. Go figure.

8:39 AM, September 26, 2005  
Anonymous Sarantium said...

Just think about where you are in life and where M&M are, you are in a much better place then they are, take comfort in that.

10:26 AM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Chris Nystrom said...

Maybe you could recover your lost personality somehow? Maybe practice on being outgoing or something?

2:03 AM, September 30, 2005  

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