A little more about my childhood. I hear all the time that when I was a few years old I was very outgoing. I almost always had center stage. I'd run around being cute and everyone just loved me. I was told that I was fearless. That I did what I wanted when I wanted but I was actually a very good kid. I didn't do things I knew were wrong. My cousin told me that she remembers my Grandparents 50th anniversary and how I was the life of the party.

Do you ever sit and wonder how you got from being a certain way when you are a kid to being the way you are now? I see a bit of that kid in me still. I also know how I went from being a not shy fearless kid to a shy self concious adult. I know the shy part might shock some of you but in real life when I first meet people I am VERY shy.

She isn't completely to blame. However I can lay the beginnings of my shyness on my Step-Bitch. The one thing I remember most about her is that she was always critisizing me in one way or another. She'd tell me that I was too hyper.. that I was too selfish.. that I was too much of a cry baby.. that I shouldn't be this way or that way. I never seemed good enough to please her. Even when I tried my hardest there was always something I did wrong.

This goes so far back that I'm not even really sure where to begin telling the story of my Step-Bitch. If it jumps around please forgive me. I have a feeling I'll type something and remember something else after or before.

I remember being very happy that I was getting a new Mom. I remember being excited. Then I remember being compared to her girls. Always there was something I was lacking. They were cuter. They were smarter. They weren't annoying. They weren't so picky.

I don't really know where to go from here. So I'm ending this post like this. For now. When I think of where/how to continue I will.