Sunday, April 23, 2006

Talk about stressed out. I've been really down the last little while. There are a lot of things going on that have just made we want to say fuck it to the world. Most of them aren't really huge issues but because there have been so many issues together I'm just very frustrated.

First of all my Dad has been sick and I've been extremely worried. Luckily it looks like they are going to be ok. The problems that were happening seem to have been fixed. Its been a little while since he was feeling shitty. We're still waiting on some test results but things are looking up. We're sort of going on the no news is good news idea. Plus he is calling the doc tomorrow to find out if he needs to go in or if everything looks fine.

There is a friend of mine that is mad at me. We've been really good friends for a long time and even though he is mad for a stupid reason I'm pretty upset about it. He tried to play a joke on another of our friends. The thing the joke involved someone that didn't know us. The joke from her point of view could have looked like the joke was on her. So I didn't let that happen. He was pissed that I 'ruined' the joke. He left right after and didn't get my explanation on why I ruined it. Even without my explanation he shouldn't have been mad though. I guess he just couldn't handle a joke being turned around onto him. The way I look at it is if you can't handle the joke you play on someone else being turned back onto you then you shouldn't be playing that joke in the first place. He hasn't spoken to me since and it's been 2 weeks and that bothers me more than I like to admit.

I have a group of friends that I see often. I looked at them as my friends but I'm no so sure they look at me as a friend. I'm beginning to feel like the person that is always there but not really invited. I've worked that out... to myself anyway.. I'm just going to be there when the one friend that I KNOW wants me there needs to be there. If he isn't going to be there then unless I get an invite for me specifically I'm not showing up. The way it's been working is they talk about the plans they have made and then (seems like an afterthought) they turn and ask if I'm going to be there. I could be being overly sensitive because if could be a case of each assuming one the others had invited me.

One of the reasons I don't feel like a part of the group is because of one of the girls in the group. She is very much all about attention. She is constantly doing/saying things that put her in the spotlight. She'll also do what she can to get the attention away from me when anyone is paying me more attention. The thing is she is a fun person. Very outgoing, upbeat, energetic. It's really easy for her to get peoples attention. I think she feels there is some kind of competition between the two of us. Yet I don't want and haven't tried to compete with her. The thing is I always have more fun when she isn't around. When she IS around I feel invisible.

The last week I've been avoiding being around her too much and definitely feel a lot better and have had more fun than I have in a while. It's amazing how much my being down had to do with her.

Another stress has been money. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I am barely scraping by. It's my own fault. I haven't quit smoking and I am out almost every night which tends to cost money. I just really want/need a vacation and I can't afford it. It's been almost a year since I took any significant time off and since I got away from here to visit friends and I'm really wishing I could afford to do that. I need a break.

There are other little things that have been bothering me but here is the bulk of it. I was debating posting it. Again the reason for that is because my blog is not annonymous to people that know me but.... fuck it.


Blogger Callie said...


When the weather gets nicer, just come on down! No $$ needed.

And we have a pool! Woot!

Besides, you know that when you're here, it's ALL about YOU.

8:45 AM, April 24, 2006  
Blogger lowk said...

Dani, I think we all feel like that at some piont. I always thought that since I was the quiet one I was never really part of the group. Just follow your dreams and if anyone from the group happens to join you then you know who your true friends are.
your practical joking bud will come around. I think his pride was hurt and he's waiting for you to make the first move.
Glad to hear your dad is doing better. Our prayers are with you two.

And Callie is right. You need no cash to visit us. Just Say the word. You and Callie can visit other friends here and go dancing, movies. (Maybe even swimming if the F@^&^# weather will let up.)

9:26 AM, April 24, 2006  
Blogger MYSTIC said...

Yeah! What they said. You just have the funk...Stress does that. Go visit and take a dip. Remember I said THINK WATER SPORTS....It's refreshing, cleansing and just plain fun.

9:23 AM, April 25, 2006  
Blogger Danikabur said...

Thank you guys so much! I appreciate that more than you know.

I can't wait for the water sports to begin Mystic. However here it will still be a while before the water is warm enough to swim in.

12:52 PM, April 25, 2006  
Blogger Callie said...

Ditto for here, Dani. I can't believe how cold it still is. I mean, it's probably considered warm for everyone else in the entire world, but for us Californians . . . it's downright nippy. It's only going to be about 60 today, and we're usually in the mid to upper 70's at least.

But never fear - it's bound to get warm soon!

1:28 PM, April 25, 2006  
Blogger Danikabur said...

It's beautiful out today... 66F right now. Loving the weather LOL and you'd be cold. LOL

1:39 PM, April 25, 2006  

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