Talk about stressed out. I've been really down the last little while. There are a lot of things going on that have just made we want to say fuck it to the world. Most of them aren't really huge issues but because there have been so many issues together I'm just very frustrated.

First of all my Dad has been sick and I've been extremely worried. Luckily it looks like they are going to be ok. The problems that were happening seem to have been fixed. Its been a little while since he was feeling shitty. We're still waiting on some test results but things are looking up. We're sort of going on the no news is good news idea. Plus he is calling the doc tomorrow to find out if he needs to go in or if everything looks fine.

There is a friend of mine that is mad at me. We've been really good friends for a long time and even though he is mad for a stupid reason I'm pretty upset about it. He tried to play a joke on another of our friends. The thing the joke involved someone that didn't know us. The joke from her point of view could have looked like the joke was on her. So I didn't let that happen. He was pissed that I 'ruined' the joke. He left right after and didn't get my explanation on why I ruined it. Even without my explanation he shouldn't have been mad though. I guess he just couldn't handle a joke being turned around onto him. The way I look at it is if you can't handle the joke you play on someone else being turned back onto you then you shouldn't be playing that joke in the first place. He hasn't spoken to me since and it's been 2 weeks and that bothers me more than I like to admit.

I have a group of friends that I see often. I looked at them as my friends but I'm no so sure they look at me as a friend. I'm beginning to feel like the person that is always there but not really invited. I've worked that out... to myself anyway.. I'm just going to be there when the one friend that I KNOW wants me there needs to be there. If he isn't going to be there then unless I get an invite for me specifically I'm not showing up. The way it's been working is they talk about the plans they have made and then (seems like an afterthought) they turn and ask if I'm going to be there. I could be being overly sensitive because if could be a case of each assuming one the others had invited me.

One of the reasons I don't feel like a part of the group is because of one of the girls in the group. She is very much all about attention. She is constantly doing/saying things that put her in the spotlight. She'll also do what she can to get the attention away from me when anyone is paying me more attention. The thing is she is a fun person. Very outgoing, upbeat, energetic. It's really easy for her to get peoples attention. I think she feels there is some kind of competition between the two of us. Yet I don't want and haven't tried to compete with her. The thing is I always have more fun when she isn't around. When she IS around I feel invisible.

The last week I've been avoiding being around her too much and definitely feel a lot better and have had more fun than I have in a while. It's amazing how much my being down had to do with her.

Another stress has been money. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I am barely scraping by. It's my own fault. I haven't quit smoking and I am out almost every night which tends to cost money. I just really want/need a vacation and I can't afford it. It's been almost a year since I took any significant time off and since I got away from here to visit friends and I'm really wishing I could afford to do that. I need a break.

There are other little things that have been bothering me but here is the bulk of it. I was debating posting it. Again the reason for that is because my blog is not annonymous to people that know me but.... fuck it.